by Aleasa Word
Copyright 2018
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Living with life-threatening food allergies, venom allergies or latex allergies is not an easy task. Though it's obvious many embrace their conditions and learn to factor in all the workarounds necessary to be safe, nothing says that it easy. In fact, there are days when I just feel like I'm so over it because there's always something to consider. 

Unfortunately, we can't just simply proclaim ourselves over it because our lives depend on us paying attention and ensuring we are safe because of this condition. So what should a person do when they are having one of those days when they are just tired of it and frustrated? To be honest, the best thing to do is to simply BE HONEST with yourself. Be willing to be open about the fact that you're having a day. And by doing so, you acknowledge your feelings. If you don't acknowledge your feelings, you stifle them and you run the risk of them resurfacing later in other ways anyhow. Once you've acknowledged you feel this way, give yourself permission to simply have a moment! Don't beat yourself up. Don't judge your feelings, just have your moment. Once you've done that it will feel like a release. From that point on you can begin to move forward. Think of the situation in small chunks. What is it about TODAY that makes this get to you? ARe you having issues with someone? Is there a financial problem today that you didn't have yesterday? Did you or one of the kids have a meltdown? Did you forget to do something? There are a number of reasons we can begin to feel overwhelmed. However, if we identify the trigger, it's easier to deal with the feelings that follow the trigger. 

Finally, though you or your child may have this allergy, there are so many other things to be happy for. At least you KNOW what your allergy is. Hopefully, you aren't being blindsided like some who may not have been diagnosed before.  You know what it is you have to do. You have the tools to prepare yourself and that's a big plus. Hopefully, you have support as well. So take a moment, lean into your feelings, pause, breathe and then move forward one step at a time. Show yourself compassion and practice self-care to allow yourself to simply have a moment to breathe. 

As you were perusing through the internet today I'd bet you didn't expect to find a reference to APSS aka Allergic Parent Stress Syndrome. Obviously this is a term we made up here at C4A; however, that doesn't take away from the reality that it really exists. Parents of severely allergic children often experience high levels of stress as they try to navigate the landscape of allergic living. This includes children with food allergies as well as those with severe allergies to things like latex, bee stings and venom allergies. 
We know that any allergic reaction can be scary for us and this is especially true for those of us who have experienced or witnessed anaphylaxis. We also know the dangers and how quickly a reaction can escalate. We also know a lot more than we think we do and that same knowledge is what can help us get through the daily issues we often face. Here are some tips you may find helpful :

1. Acknowledge your fears. Be honest with yourself and address the fears you have. Pretending they aren't there adds more hidden stress. Even when we don't realize we are stressed our body does.  Never be afraid to seek professional help.
2. Knowledge is a Fear Fighter!  You are smart. And in today's world, we have this cool thing called Google that helps us become even smarter. Don't be afraid to find sites that have proven research on all the most up to date information about managing allergies and how to treat them if there is a reaction. Our friends at FAACT and FARE have plenty of great information that is fully researched to help you. 
3. Prep Isn't Just for Meals!  So many do meal prep to get ready for the week and that's super! How about using those same prep skills to get you ready for everything else? If you're traveling,research all places along your path to ensure you can find safe foods and emergency facilities if needed. Preparation helps to kick fear in the butt! 
4. Allergy Managers Needed! Teach your child to manage their allergies early. Of course they will need your help but they have to be an advocate for themselves. They can double check you and you can double check them. Giving them some of the power (though you're still watching) can help you calm your own anxieties. 
5. Stress is Contagious!   We always say kids do about as well as we do. Be careful not to project your own anxieties and fears onto your child. This will then have a boomerang effect and make your anxieties worse thus adding to your stress levels. 
6. Rest !  Without proper rest anyone could have stress issues. As parents of allergic kids we are often up late at night baking allergy friendly cupcakes, prepping allergy friendly meals and more. You have to get some rest! Portion out your time wisely so you have time for your body to relax each day. 
7. Practice Self-Forgiveness.  It's easy for us to blame ourselves for lots of things when it comes to any child and definitely with allergic children. Maybe you can't buy all the latest and greatest prepared snacks because you're on a budget. Maybe you once almost missed something on a label but thank goodness your kid is safe. Go easy on yourself. This is a tough road we are on and everyone is doing the best they can. 
8. Get help!  We can't stress this enough. There has to be someone, a family member, a friend and in some cases paid help that can give you a break at times. If you don't have an individual to help, reach out to a support group in your area. Many of the parent groups lean on each other for help. You can find a list of these here. FAACT Support Group Finder
9. Exercise matters!  Some think they have no time for exercise. The truth is, we all have and extra 30 minutes in our day we can dedicate to doing something. Many of us have tricked ourselves to believe it's impossible. Try to start small with a 30 minute daily walk. Take the kids with you if you must. They may even open up to you about some things that are on their mind. 
10. Be kind to yourself! You my not do everything perfectly and that is simply ok! Give yourself a real break. You can't be all things to all people all the time. So maybe some people in your life don't understand how you and you kids have to live to make room for food allergies. They may not get it and your relationships may not be what they used to be but THAT'S OK.  The focus is to keep you healthy, you kid healthy and find a place of joy along the way. 

Have you ever asked yourself why is your heart this way? Why do you feel so strongly about sharing your story and helping others share theirs? Why do you wake up asking yourself how can you help people navigate the journey just a little easier? 

You my friend have the heart of an advocate. This heart aches with others. It jumps for joy with others and it also has the passion to fight the good fight with other. No need to fight your calling because fighting it won't help. It will call to you even when you are doing other things. It will remind you that injustices for others are opportunities for you to do more to help. You are what advocates are made of. You are the helpers mentioned  the famous Mr. Rogers when he spoke of conversations with his mother. B

You are a special breed. And the world simply needs more like you.